.

It's been a while..

2011-09-27T10:33:00.001-07:00

So I thought I would post, I can't believe I have 31 followers.. if they actually look and read is another thing all together.

What can I say has been going on with me, well work is the first thing on my mind and I have been doing. I am already getting the travel itch but the short trip in November should hopefully cure that for me.. I hope!

Either way work is my focus and healing a broken heart.. and just figuring my life out and what I want to do with it .

Hello all who read..

Update the night before my trip..

2011-05-16T18:38:00.000-07:00

Well a few updates before I head off to London.. the whole date thing.. well it already has progressed so forget the date and hoping it works out.. try.. it SO has to work and it is more of a vacation with him!

So this is going to be... EPIC!

As for the trip there is so much to do and so much to see I cannot wait to see it all.. loads of pictures to follow when I get a chance.

Pic of the post:

NOT MINE!

It's been a while...

2011-03-13T16:49:00.000-07:00

What can I say.. it has been awhile..

I have been busy working and looking for work. I do have a trip planned in May and will be out in london for two weeks.

A wedding is happening, one of my closest and dearest friends is getting married! YAAA L

So they are flying me out to go to the wedding and since I am going to be missing work anyways why not make it two weeks .. this way I can see more of london.. AND go to wales!

PLUS I have a date over there.. we shall see how it goes.. pinning nothing on it :) but this person has been a close and dear friend of mind for a while.. so there is a slight hope.

Other wise nothing much.. been getting sick a lot lately.. seems every other week I am sick.. which is not normal. So I have been searching for a family doctor and nothing so far.. hard to find one FYI!

I think I want to start doing "picture of the week" HOWEVER I have not been able to get out and take my own pictures.. so until I am able to I will start posting pics I find that I like...

I will tell you if it is mine or not.. so here we go first one..

*** THIS IS NOT MY OWN PICTURE I HAVE NO RIGHTS TO IT ***

UPDATE

2010-11-02T13:44:00.000-07:00

Hmm let me think about what you need to know...

well .. I have been working I now work mornings at an elementary school... in a grade 3 class!! WOOT!!! and I do freelance work too for interpreting..

hmmm what else...

I play two.. well three online games..

WOW

and another one called Darkness Realm.. it is text based and well the community part of it is more fun than anything else.. I may add the link to it later.

I love love love to edit photos... it actually calms me.. but not like editing my own photos.. but editing different things.. like my title .. that sort of thing...

OHHH and I am in this HUGE mask face.. here are a few of my fav pics I have seen around..

Obsession... Mused

2010-09-06T13:28:00.000-07:00

I think I have decided to muse Angelina Jolie.. and yes I have a girl crush on her too I believe most people do. But seriously this woman is amazing!

Went camping...

2010-07-26T15:37:00.001-07:00

This is where we were when we went canoeing on saturday. IT WAS SO PRETTY!!!!!

VACATION!!!

2010-06-30T11:58:00.000-07:00

That's right.. I'm on vacation.. it has been a week already and I feel better in so many ways. I am less burnt out, but still mending that. I am more relaxed.. but still working on that.. I have a slight tan.

I have seen awesome things! I went to San Francisco, I have been down highway 1 ... I have been all over the place and loved ever minute of it!

I have some pictures I will post with descriptions. So please read and you will walk through my trip a little in my own shoes..

AHH the orchards, everything to nuts to organges.. everything so much fruit and so so so good.. ohh the strawberries.. OHH *drooling*

Ok so the third day there I was supposed to go see Wicked with my host family.. well apparently the show was actually on the 23rd and not on the 24th like we all thought... so... I did not see wicked

HOWEVER

We took the train and went to peir 39... but before we got there we went for a walk and I had the most amazing chicken steamed buns! During the walk there was some shops and little booths selling things..

Then we started heading to peir 39... we got there and there were so many stores!!!

Loads of Candy!

Sock stores

left hand stores...

Magic store...

The resturant we ate at... mmmm I had the crab and corn soup.. AMAZING!

The host family dad had this HUGE thing of half a crab, prawns, and so much more.. so good.. in this bowl.. FULL

Ohh ya.. the booze in the grocery stores... my host family was surprised we didn't have that in canada...

Can you tell 4th of July is coming?? Nah I cou;dn't at all....

I went to the coast I went from Half moon bay to Monterray in a convertable with my friend and it was BEAUTIFUL!!!!! I loved it! I got so many pictures.. but of course they are on my professional camera.. and I only have the laptop so.. those are going to have to wait till I get home from vacation to be posted.. viewed and edited.

but this is the two of us in the car driving back to Medesto

OHH THE HEAT!!!! the day we went to the coast we were both happy we went.. mostly because in medesto is was 110 F which is about 43 C and we were at the coast where it was about 62 F so about 16 C.... we hated going back for a few reasons.. 1 WOW it is pretty on the coast... 2... it is hot back in Medesto!!

What I have found interesting is the mix of green and yellow.. the grass is yellow and the trees are green! AMAZING!!! so cool too..

I have seen wind turbines on the hills and it has been an amazing vacation so far. I have gone to their church which is cool it is more like a campus .. seperated all over.. it is sweet tho!

Well on monday I will be going to LA and disney land... I am headed to sacremento today to drop off peter at the airport. Tomorrow I am going to yosimite and friday to a musem.. ohh vaction is fantastic!

Can anyone guess what that is?? ohh come on.. it's easy.. guess and you get a gold star!!!

I may not cry...

2010-06-06T16:08:00.000-07:00

I may not cry, I may not weep I may not make a single noise but I am broken up.

I do not grieve I do not express myself like most people. I would rather look at the loved one who died or is dying and say I love you and walk on by.

I am more likely to pick a fight then cry, I am more likely to hit someone then break down. This is a fault and a blessing. Everyone needs to cry at some point everyone needs to shed a tear at some point. But because I don't and if I do it is when no one can see or hear me, I can be that pillar a friend or family member needs. I can be that person who you hold on to while you cannot stand and I will stand there stone faced.

I will kick some one's ass before I will shed a single tear!

However this does not count when I have broken bones and real physical pain.. then they are silent.

So back the fuck up... this is where I become violent and vicious..

Lists

2010-06-01T09:50:00.000-07:00

My older sister has so many movies. They are out on display and in boxes. She has made a list of them all. At least once.

I now realize I need to do that with my own books. At least to keep track of them and so I remember what series I have. This way I can look for updates and when a new book is out I can go pick it up but if I don't have a list then I wont remember what exactly I have. My books have become so many it is insane!

So lists I will be making a list as I unpack this weekend of all my books. Then when I get the money and a chance I already have one book .. well ok two I want to pick up.

Grad is tomorrow... pictures will be posted once I can of the wonderful experience.

For now I am going to sit back relax and watch TV. We are going to go eat at a pub for lunch and then dinner at my little sisters. Then tomorrow Dad comes into the city and I spend the day getting ready for grad! WOOT!

WOW LONG TIME!

2010-05-28T15:42:00.000-07:00

Alright here is a basic "update"

I have finished school and have graduated. I am offically a sign language interpreter! WOOT!

Five long years of school and finally I am here and done... now to find work.

I am going to be applying all over the place! I am excited to see where God leads me next. He has done no wrong so far

I went out with my "twin" for dinner the other night. The waiter suggested our entire meal everything from the appy to our drinks to our main course to our drinks there! It was fantastic to trust someone else with what I would be eating that night. The same can be said about God. To trust him with everything in our daily lives. It was interesting that this waiter got everything right on the money and it all tasted wonderful. BUT he gave us the choice to trust him with our meals and even in some ways gave us the choice between different things. God is the same way, he gave me the choice to finish school or not to.. free will anyone? but he made suggestions along the way and always encouraged me to do well. The waiter gave a choice between two wines I chose one my "twin" chose another but the outcome was still the same, we both had faboulos wine to go with our dinner. No one is the same no one is going to have the same tastes or live through the same experiances exactly the same. God can only work with who we are and he knows us so well.

I have finished college for the time being and now onto the next part of my life the part where working becomes a focus. Dating is a possiblity and romance is something that might just be real. But if I trust God in everything I do I wont get a bad wine I wont have food that is spoiled and all should be good because he is in control and I trust in him in everything.

These past three years have really proven this to myself. There were moments where I was ready to throw in the towel I was ready to jump of a bridge I was ready to just give up and go home. I would talk with my mom and family and explain everything they could only suggest not to give up and to keep going. I then prayed and really ranted to God, he listened since that all he could do really. And I could feel peace even when I was breaking down and crying. When I was ready to give up he gave a very gentle and appropriate shove to keep going. Of course it was always my choice to trust he was picking the right meal for me and he was. And here I am .. three years later, trusting in him even when I was breaking down and swearing at him. I trusted my God my father, my everything to keep me floating and my head above water. He did.. and here I am .. three years later and I am done... I am finished and can move onto the next part of my life.

Sure I can say.. hell ya I trust him in everything. But in all honesty it is hard. I really do trust him for everything but I will always doubt I will always question like I did these three years.. but no matter how much I doubted how much I questions no matter how much I really wondered.. if he said jump.. I jumped.. if he said dive I dived.. if he said fall I fell... I trusted him... but by golly I screamed at him too!

My God knows me, he understands me.. I can only do my best for my God and by golly I fuckin try!

Its been a while

2010-03-29T22:20:00.000-07:00

So I am in my final semester of school am all over the place!

I am only 9 weeks away from being down and I am no where near ready to be close to done!

I am in fact without internet so.. this is the main reason I am not writing as often.. I will probably make more of an effort once I am back in the main city and have to work on some big papers... for now I leave you with this

Smile.. it no broke your face!

p.s.

I am no man but I love this speech!!!

Man Speech- Dream Sequence from Boondock Saints 2

Connor MacManus, Murphy MacManus: Sláinte
Murphy MacManus: You know, he was sort of a badass though, wasn't he?
Connor MacManus: Shades of Eastwood. Charlie Bronson.
Rocco: Duke Fucking Wayne!
Connor MacManus, Murphy MacManus: Duke Fucking WAYNE!
Rocco: Men build things, then we die. It's in our fucking DNA! THAT'S WHAT WE DO!
Murphy MacManus: And when it all falls down?
Rocco: We build it right back up again.
Connor MacManus: But this time bigger. BETTER!
Rocco: Look! Look what we can do. Look how fuckin' beautiful we are. You think the men that built all this had it easy?
Murphy MacManus: Hard men!
Connor MacManus: Doing hard shit!
Rocco: and that gives me a hard on... But not in a gay way or anything like that.
Murphy MacManus: No, 'course not
Connor MacManus: Yeah it goes without sayin'
Rocco: I am so sick of all of this self help, twelve step, leftover hippie generation bullshit!
Connor MacManus: Now they don't want you to do anything, right? Just sit there. Don't drink.
Murphy MacManus: Don't smoke. Don't drive fast.
Connor MacManus, Murphy MacManus, Rocco: Kiss my ass!
Rocco: Fuck it! Do it all I say! Do you think Duke Wayne spent all of his time talking about his feelings with a fuckin' therapist?
Connor MacManus: There's no fucking way he did!
Rocco: John Wayne died with five pounds of undigested red meat in his ass. Now that's a man! Real men hide their feelings. Why?
Connor MacManus, Murphy MacManus, Rocco: Because it's none of your fuckin' business!
Rocco: Men do not cry. Men do not pout. Men jack you in the fuckin' jaw and say...
Detective Greenly: Thanks for comin' out.

I swear to you!!!!

2010-01-22T22:07:00.000-08:00

*WARNING* THIS IS A LITTLE MORE RELIGOUS/PARNOIA THAN NORMAL *WARNING*

I swear to you that "something" does not want me to finish school. To graduate from this program and go on to do... hell knows what! I swear to you!

I have come up against car crashes and accidents, to stressful times and failures... but seriously this is enough already!

Let us start in the beginning....

I was in grade ten, had no clue as to what I wanted to be/ do with my life. I thought maybe a chef or something. Well I was taking Sign Language (and to be honest it was my mom's suggestion and I completely and utterly thank her now, to take sign language and not German) I was getting to know the teacher and preferred to chat with her (in sign) just before class started. So I would make sure to be early for class. This was a few weeks into my grad ten year and I walked into the classroom and she was chatting with two other students who were a year ahead of me. They were talking about becoming interpreters. It took me forever! To know what they were talking about, but as soon as I understood they turned to me (all three of them) and asked if that is what I wanted to do with my life. I stood there... like a deer in headlights and thought for one second which felt like an hour and said maybe.

After that moment my life seriously changed! I really considered it, I had never ever thought about it before, and really wanted to make sure this was God driven and not something I "thought" I could do. So I prayed and in my complete and utter teenage attitude told God he had to give me signs... and it had to be three very clear ones if he wanted me to do this.

I got all three on my way home from school... 1. Was an encouragement from one of the girls when I was heading out to the bus. We ran into each other and she talked about all the options. 2. When I was more then half way home I spotted a few people signing at the bus depot at west Edmonton mall and 3. Coming home on the bus I saw Dad's truck out the window and for some reason knew it was him and thought "hmm... I could be driving all over the place as an interpreter." From there... things took off.

I really focused on Sign Language, found where I was going what my options were and knew what I wanted to do!

I graduated High school and this is where the real work began, I went to Lakeland, meet my ASL teacher. Found out at the end that I had no signing skill at all in this teacher’s perspective (you have to understand I went through testing so I could skip two courses of ASL and just take the final one in college. I passed with no problem) I was doing great in her class till she found out who my high school teacher was, and then my grades fell.

Sign 1 that something does not want me doing this (you must remember I did not really think like something was out there preventing me until the most recent one so keep that in mind!)

Well I passed enough to go on to the other classes. Since the classes were out in Sherwood Park I thought it best (along with my parents) that I get a car. So I did and after a few months of having it I got into a major car accident which has messed up my back for the rest of my life. (By the way the accident was technically my fault but I watched as the other driver literally sped up when he was going to hit me)

Sign 2 (by the way I had three paramedics on sight within seconds I swear they were all angels!)

So no more car... ohh well I lived and that was the important thing (ps. all the EMTs and firefighters were confused as to why the windshield did not shatter and I did not have a broken bone in my body when they swore I should be probably dead)

Next came the other classes... for awhile nothing bad or horrible happened then came the end of the program... where they told us the interpreting program would not start for another year and even then it is not final.

Well I talked it over with my parents and bam I was off to Vancouver after finding a roommate and cheap place to live and figuring everything out.

Was great for the first 7 months and then my roommate stopped talking to me and I lost a good amount of money to her.

Sign 3

So I went in search for an apartment because I had gotten accepted into the program. I searched all summer... found nothing

Sign 4

Finally by Grace of God and I swear it was him all along... mom was looking in the final week before I had to be there... and found a place right by the school... WOOT!

School was going great! Lots of work and hard times but over all great... then came the summer... I had to take classes and I was so homesick I was literally sick!

I took classes and was doing great in the one I really needed until the last essay... I failed that (we only had two major essays and small assignments) I was sure I failed the class.

Sign 5

But by grace of God I just got the bare minimum. Then came my second year... where everything triples in difficulty. I was doing alright until a test in one of my classes.

I listen and study and read and practice... and failed. (Now to understand the class better, there were two tests in the class, both worth 25% each... you have to get a 75% in the interpreting classes to even pass) Trust me I had studied so hard for this test too!

Sign 6

By now I am ready to give up and quit! I didn’t think I would get to go on practicum or anything... sigh

In the end I did not pass the class but am now on a learning contract but am on practicum.

I find out in my second semester I get a total of 2,560 to live off of for 5 months. My rent alone per month is $825 hmm doesn’t work out.

Sign 7

I get to go on to practicum to Calgary, I am completely excited, and I am staying with m cousin who has been completely wicked and cool. I got an AWESOME mentor and I get to do freelance.

End of my first week... car accident where the car must have hit ice because no matter if I braked or not I still would have hit the other car.

Sign 8

I went to my assignments even made it home that Saturday to visit my dad... that Sunday I took the car into the shop because on my way home from E_town my check engine light came on... they told me that it was the gascap or something..

Going to be $1500 (remember how much I have to live off of for 5 months)

Sign 9

Well God did another great thing and mom and dad were going to pay for it and just "add it to my tab" WOOT... ohh wait I get a call... ya sure the gascap was broken but it had been replaced before and had been put on wrong.. which means the engine part that it is attached to.. is ruined and needs replacing.. that is only another $5000... I bought the car for $2500...

I called dad.. he said no of course (and I agreed and was saying no myself anyways) and so... no car! And I NEED a car to do freelance work in Calgary!

Sign 10 (this by the way is when I noticed... there is something that does not want me to do well and graduate I SWEAR IT!!!)

Thank God once again! Dad calls and tells me to get a ticket (grey hound) and come home and pick up mom's car to use.

I think I am really going to need prayers to survive the other two practicum’s if it is possibly going to get worse then it is now...

And if you are reading this and thinking (this girl is crazy, or this cannot be true there is nothing out to get her.) You NEED to know, nothing like this has ever happened... there are just too many things happening and I am honestly one of those good drivers! And I have no control over if a program will start or even be good in my chosen city.

So really... I swear to you.. something does not want me to finish school and graduate... I wonder why??????

The worst yet..

2010-01-17T17:02:00.000-08:00

I am on practicum this month... the first little while was AMAZING! I loved it I worked hard and was learning SO much!

And then... Friday happened.

I got into a fender bender, The road was icy and even tho I was a good distance away I still couldn't stop in time! Sigh! Well I was on my way to my last appointment for the day when this happens. So I continued on (after exchanging all info) I was sore and could only observe. The car seemed drivable, and I was able to get to the appointment and back to where I am staying.

The next day (Saturday) I had planned to go home and hang with my dad for the day and stay the night. I still did that.. after all.. I needed Dad time! It was great we went to a motorcycle show and watched movies at home and hung out.

I left Sunday (today) to head back to Calgary, at first the car was making an odd notice when I turned the steering wheel. Nothing major, then I get to just outside of Calgary and the check engine light comes on.

I get to the neighborhood that I am staying in and checked the oil and coolant. Well they were low so I bought some and topped it up.

I drove to the house it was about a 10 min drive and I get to the house and check and well the oil is about the same... but the coolant has gone down like half a jug... SIGH!

SO here is the deal... if I don't have a car for practicum I am royally screwed! I cannot even do it!

So tomorrow I am taking the car into a mechanic and seeing if it is something simple and easy to fix. I really need prayers that it is easy to fix.

I don't car how the car looks.. it could look like a piece of crap as long as it runs!

I am ready to cry (already did... twice) and so ready to say "fuck it!"

I just don't get what is against me and why I cannot just finish school with only minor problems!

Prayers please!

HOME!

2009-12-17T13:15:00.001-08:00

I am home yes I am! I am happy I am home....

So excited to see people! WOOT!

Home...

2009-12-14T00:16:00.000-08:00

WOOT I cannot wait until thursday!! So excited!

I thought I would post a few recent shots...

MOM IS AWESOME!

2009-12-03T23:07:00.001-08:00

got a ring tone from her (sadly I cannot use it on this phone) but I so will on another!!! these are the lyrics:

Your mamma’s calling back, for no good reason but just to chat, she’ll waist your minutes talking bout the cat, or bout how dad has gotten fat! Don’t pick up the phone it’s your mamma, don’t pick up the phone…

MY MOM SENT ME THAT!!!!

Shoot me now...

2009-11-23T18:48:00.000-08:00

(found on google)

This is the stressful time of the year.

Where we find out if we are going out on practicum ... if we are worthy and good enough to go test our skills in the real world without the cover of the school. Also our homework that is due keeps trying to drown us... four ish assignments due in one week.

I then went ahead and told myself that I can challenge myself by trying to interpret a performance... what was I thinking... homework plus the number of hours we are practicing for this performance.. plus the performance itself.... Hmm I think I have gone off my meds!

Once this week is over we only have about 4 assignments left and even at that I am practically done two of them. So really it is nothing much.. it is just this week that I am glad I can buy some wine and that I do not own a gun. Because like I said... my motto right now is "Shoot me now".

Everyone knows the saying "what makes doesn't kill you makes you stronger" Well that my dears may just be bull .... well possibly not but when that is said to you at the time you feel like you want to take the gun you had to your head and put it to theirs and pull the trigger!

So really I just need to shut up and do it and keep treading water... eventually I may find the shallow end and be able to pull myself out... if not...

I wont need a gun!

I am sorry to those..

2009-11-17T10:45:00.000-08:00

Who will not be recieving gifts this year... I do not expect anything (never have) from anyone I prefer to give them... but this year it is really tight so... only mom, dad, casie, Char, Elise, Rianna, Miranda, and Kristen F. are getting things.

Sorry again!

love you all

My next post...

2009-11-12T11:37:00.000-08:00

Is going to be all about my travel plans.. places I want to go and see and in order of most wanting to go to...

Also it might have a date beside it which means that I hope to go there in that year!

once checked off one I will in fact bring the list back again and again and start to cross them off! This way you know where I have gone and where I still have to go. I will also add pictures from the place I went when I do this!

I will have to include a picture of myself somewhere there and then anything else I take pics of that are my fav!

I thought this would be interesting... look for my next blog that will in fact have the list... which by the way is kind of long!

The Beginning stages..

2009-11-04T22:58:00.000-08:00

I saw some photography that was wicked... all having to do with smoke.. so I thought I would try.. here is my first atempt...

I really really cannot wait to have a better photo editing program...

I have to work on the focus.. which is obvious but that will also be dependant on lighting so I have to work on those two together...

and I shall :D

So I think...

2009-10-29T20:56:00.001-07:00

I have been messing up.... that stops now! Hopefully it is not too late...

And don't ask.... I wont tell

One day...

2009-10-09T23:25:00.000-07:00

I will have a big bed and bedding that I will love making up the bed because it looks like heaven and is wonderful therapy right before falling into it and feeling like a princess!

One day

Street lights by Kanye West

2009-10-01T13:36:00.000-07:00

let me know, do i still got time to grow
things aint always set in stone
with that being, let me know
let me

seems like streetlights glowing
happened to be just like moments
passing, in front of me so

i hopped in, the cab and
i paid my fair, see
i know my, destination
but im just not there
all the streetlights glowing
happened to be just like moments
passing, in front of me so

i hopped in, the cab and
i paid my fair, see
i know my, destination
but im just not there in the streets
in the streets
im just not there in the streets
im just no there
life's just not fair

seems like streetlights glowing
happened to be just like moments
passing, in front of me so

i hopped in, the cab and
i paid my fair, see
i know my, destination
but im just not there
all the streetlights glowing
happened to be just like moments
passing, in front of me so

i hopped in, the cab and
i paid my fair, see
i know my, destination
but im just not there in the streets
in the streets
im just not there in the streets
im just no there
life's just not fair

Today.. homework.. and chores

2009-09-30T13:18:00.000-07:00

1. Dishes
2. Lunch made
3. read ch 3 & 4
4. Print off practicum stuff

And that is all.. wow that is sad lol I know there is so much more homework but I cannot think of it!

Facebook...

2009-09-30T13:11:00.000-07:00

So there was some talk in class about having two accounts. One professional and one that is for family and friends. I think this is a smart idea since I have to be professional for not just interpreting but also my photography.

So if you see another account with a picture of me.. DO NOT WORRY.. it is probably me lol

and if I do not add you do not feel bad.. you are already on my friends and family one so that is all that matters

:D

MATH!

2009-09-22T12:42:00.000-07:00

Well today I learned how to interpret math into ASL

And I have to say I have a whole new respect for math! I mean now that I dont have to figure out the answer... I LOVE IT! LOL

Signing it is not so easy but it gives me a challenge I understand and get! And it makes it look... pretty!

It is really interesting to have to use signs I would not have thought of myself or something where there are brackets and fractions in side or something like that is even more interesting.

On this note I have decided to do something different for my ASL log.. I will keep the written one but I plan to do it also in Sign.. by video taping myself and then storing them. I am hoping to do a specific sign or idea per clip. This way when I want to know how it is signed I can look it up instead.

I have to get on this right away or else my log will keep growing and then it will take me forever to get what I have already.. video taped.

I could make this a weekly thing to be able to do this so I have it.. thank you mom and dad for the external hard drive.. if I did not have it there is no way I would be able to store it all!

Hugs and all

Photoshoot

2009-09-20T19:39:00.000-07:00

Me and Casie went and did a photo shoot.. these are ones casie took of me..

Well...

2009-09-19T20:37:00.000-07:00

I did some homework for today and at about 4 pm I had to go... I just had to get out of the city and GO! So...

I went I jumped into my car and left! I also brought my camera and even tho I am really not happy with the photos... these are... ok ones.

THATS IT!

2009-09-15T21:37:00.000-07:00

This weekend I am going to get in my car and drive... I am going to go at least one hour out of the city if not more and see the mountain areas! I am going to make sure my camera is charged and my MP3 player is too... and GO!

I just need to breath in the sweet scent of woods and forest I need to GO!

So this weekend on Saturday I will get up at a good time and pack a lunch and GO!

So hope for great things from me with my camera.. if not well at least I have spent some time with just me and God and what he has made and made ohh so well!

- Hugs!

BACK WE GO....

2009-09-08T20:22:00.000-07:00

Well here we go.. back to school...

Some stuff that has happened in the last little bit...

Well summer was alright I was in English and Psyc. I passed both that was all I needed.

I went home for a weekend because Luke paid for me to go.. Here are some pics

Once that weekend was over I had three weeks of class... class.... class... class.

That was pointless and really stupid all about advocacy class.. anyways after that came camp!

THAT WAS SO MUCH FUN!

The beginning started badly... One of our teachers passed away that day and it was really sudden. After we were able to get past that point it was fantastic!

Then I came back and now I am getting ready for school!

Woot so here I am and getting ready!

UGH! LOL

Later

It hit me..

2009-08-14T09:24:00.000-07:00

that I am getting older... I don't mean like old like grandma old but older.. I have been out of high school for 4 years now. I dont think I could pass for a high school student anymore. This is odd like really odd.

I am glad to be an adult because there is no more drama (well at least I can ignore it better) and I have had so much freedom but there is so much that stresses me out compared to then.

If I did bad on an essay in high school it was nothing. I was a little putout but I did not stress over it as much as if I do that here in college. I am looking forward to a new kind of stress I need the change.

I am so burnt out it is silly! the first thing I am going to do is go on some sort of vacation! (after I graduate)

Ikea

2009-08-13T15:44:00.000-07:00

I got my cataloge today and I love getting those because I am able to look at the possiblities of what I would like to do to my bedroom and what I would want to do to it! I love it!

Short..

2009-08-10T10:42:00.000-07:00

Maybe it was because the trip was so short, maybe it was because I got to go home at all or maybe it is because I just feel sorry for myself and my life these days..

Sigh..

I am way more homesick now then I was before I went home it is really sad I must say!

I went home for a wonderful weekend of being a third wheel and was able to finally meet the lovely Charlie in person and was able to visit family and a few friends all in a weekend. And now I miss them all (all but being a third wheel) and I so very much want to say (pardon my language) FUCK IT and go home for good. I have not had this strong of a feeling like this since beginning of school and this is already starting before school really starts. What am I going to do.. ohh I know..

Shut the fuck up and keep going.. GRR sometimes I hate believing in God and knowing he is there and following his plans for me. I know where I am supposed to be I know my path and I see it and I am on it but I am not allowed to rest for long I was allowed to stop for only a second breath and remeber and experiance my life back home and then I was push back onto the path and told to keep going. It would be so easy to just stop and not move forward anymore and to just rest and relax.

I know I only have another year and then I can go home and be with friends and family, but another year seems like an eternity to me and I know it is short and will go by fast but where I am sitting right now (or should I say where I am walking) the path seems to go on forever and without any bends or turns in it. There is no bench to rest on or stones to sit on. There is no comfort ahead or anyone waiting.

At this moment like I have been doing for the past two years I am walking on this path alone no one to hold my hand or to let me lean on. I know I know God is there I get it I really do! BUT where I am walking right now he is only providing the shade I need to be able to keep going. This is not a smooth paved path. In fact it is bumpy and rocky and hurts with every step. There are a few moments where it smooths out and it all seems to work well but for the most part I am here on this path alone wishing for someone to be beside me or at least know someone will be at the end waiting for me, I am working towards a goal to finish school but really does not feel like this is enough.

I just feel I need to go to a concert or something like that and rock out and litterly just let myself Go .. I think that might be the biggest problem, usually when I visit home I am able to hang with a friend and chat. Or hang with Luke and relax I couldn't this time not completely. I was able to with my sister a little but I knew I had to get going soon so there was not much time. When I was at home I was always ready to head out or doing homework. When I was with my firends I was a third wheel or the babysitter and had to be on gaurd to keep myself in check. Hmm...

I was unable to to relax and be myself (in one sense of the word) I had to be responsible and an adult.

UGH!!!!! I HATE GROWING UP I HATE FOLLOWING THIS PATH AND I JUST HATE EVERYTHING!!!

Sigh (and I really did in real life a nice big one)

But here I am at school getting ready to head home after my final for English, I am going to attend school tomorrow and the day after and the day after and so on. I will finish school next year and attend every class my body will allow me. I will learn new things and old I will keep walking down this path where I see no end and have bumps and rock to deal with. I have no idea if that special someone is waiting for me at the end or if at all. I have no idea which way the road will lead me next when I finally get there. I will just keep walking and going in the same direction with the shade that is provided and the few small smooth spots in the road and the little rests I am allowed and I will keep going. I may come out an awful mess at the end with my clothing ripped and ruined and my shoes destroyed. Or I could come out shinny and new and full of energy. The only one who knows is God and well I wish he would enlighten me.

I love him
I hate him
I adore him
I dispise him
I want him
I deny him
I look at him
I look away from him
I follow him
I follow him

I will keep going and keep walking and being who I am.

AKWARD...

2009-08-08T23:41:00.000-07:00

5th-wheel......

or even 3rd......

*grumbles and pounds steering wheel*

Sigh

ugh

Groan

Sigh

mumble

gah

frick

sigh

groan

deep breath

walks away

I wonder why I read...

2009-08-04T19:51:00.000-07:00

Honestly.. everytime I finish a series let alone a book I cannot wait to pick another one up. I swear if this could be called a drug it would be.

"Hi my name is Payl and I am addicted to reading fiction books"

"Hi, Payl" They all murmer

UGH! Like honestly I am reading another series... lets see... 9 books in a week! And thankfully this series is not done which means another one will come out in Oct (already pre ordered) and so I will read that one too.. but seriously 9 books! And they are not little stories they are mysterys and well hello I am addicted.

I am not sure how many books I have read this summer and I am honestly afraid to go and count them all... but I think it might be up around 40. I cannot believe the human mind some times, if I could make a living off of reading I would be so rich I would not know what to do with it.. then again I would probably be spending my money on books. UGH!

I am not complaining too much I mean I had wonderfully blissful days where I sat around and read all day.. from the time I woke up to the time I went to bed. Not sure if I ate at all those days but they were bliss. I know school is coming and I have always vowed to myself NEVER to read a book (fiction) while during regular school hours. They honestly take me over I fall out of this reality which is not 100% bad but I would rather be somewhere else of course. And I fall into the books. I read to fast for my own good or else I could space the book out better.

By the time I notice my eyes are getting tired I am so close to being done the book that I just have to finish or else I am like a drug addict being held in sigh of their drug and is struggling to get to it. Honestly sad I swear!

I will in fact enjoy these times tho, when I am single, childless, jobless (but not worried too much about where my food comes from), schoolless, and obligationless.

I know once I go back to school (even tho I am already there sort of) I will never be able to do that again. I will be worried about homework, grades, praticum, where my food is coming from, grad, and just about everything else and it wont stop from there. I will graduate, move back home (Happy dance and I am serious) and start to work as soon as possible which probably means the day after I move back home. From there I will be paying off my mound of debt I will be worrying about money, about work, about possibly being single for ever, about friends, about trips and where the money will come for those. I will be out of this lovely lull of nothingness that some days consumes me to tears and other days is so blissful I never ever want to leave.

Books.. this all comes down to my passion of reading. I can see it now, I have worked till I am old (as in older then 68) I have children maybe it does not matter but I have retired in the mountains in a wonderful old home. I have a library of my own with so many books my grandchildren never know what they want read to them first. I would have a fire going and it would be just me or me and my husband and it would be snowy outside so it would just be the two of us or me alone for weeks and I would have a book in my hands and a stack of them lined up beside my chair. I will retire to read like a mad woman and would possibly hope to die with a book in my hands.

Sigh I swear books are in fact my drug of choice I am not sure if this a good one. Of course my own reasoning and Gods firm Hand and voice have made sure I stick to his plan and finish school and countinue to do what he wants me to do in THIS world.. but books are my perfect retreat and I honestly thank him for every word he has given to the writers and the ideas too.

Books! I am such a nerd *pushes glasses up on face*

P.s. I am hoping this friday I will be able to stop by your place sis and see you and the kids in the morning for at least an hour if not a little more. The afternoon and evening will be with luke and Charlie and so will sat so I am hoping then. Let me know if this does not work at all. I have other errands I will have to do that day too so ya... so much to do in so little time!

Books!!!!!!

Oh hell...

2009-07-31T09:02:00.000-07:00

at least this is what I imagine would be for me... heat hot enough to make me sick but not hot enough to make me pass out...

sigh!

These make me miss the basement even more at my parents place I could retreat there and relax because it is cool. I still got a decent nights sleep because it was almost cold down there in the summer and warm in the winter... odd but what I want. Sigh having an apartment up higher in an apartment building really does not help me with the heat problem. If it was not for the fact school will now be three times a week and not just the Friday event I would stick to my staying up late and sleeping in till 1 or 4 pm depending on the day and then doing everything else in the evening in the cooler weather. Sadly school next week is going to be three times a week and I need to get back into a more normal sleep pattern... Sigh

I am a night person and really do prefer my nights, the cooler weather the stillness in the air like I am the only one awake at those hours. I really do resist the temptation to go walking in the park or go down to the waters edge. Thankfully I have enough of a head on my shoulders and know it is not safe. There are at least 5 bars in the immediate area and well that leaves for a not safe night environment so I stick to my balcony and the stillness I can get from that overlooking the city that has little movement compared to the day but still is alive and the quiet.

I still prefer the woods or forest to the city and always will but night makes living in a city this big a little more bearable.

Sigh back to going to bed when the sun goes down and waking up when it decided to make an apperance... I swear if I could I would never do that again and stick with the night!

But sadly stores are closed and people are asleep... wait that is why I love it so.

YUp..

2009-07-29T15:02:00.000-07:00

Sweating more then I like to... I am really not a fan of the heat! ! ! ! !

I went to a car show...

2009-07-14T16:43:00.000-07:00

Here are some pictures... but once again I was more taken by the motorcycles then anything else... so sorry.. motorcycle pictures for your enjoyment!

Home is where the heart is...

2009-07-06T02:13:00.000-07:00

Then it never left E_town... sigh

anyways.. Luke is flying me back Aug 7th ish for the weekend. Charoltte will be in edmonton during that time so he wanted me to meet her in person. Which I think is wicked! But he has decided it is a must and is flying me home on his credit card.

I really do have an amazing friend. I am not sure how much time I will get other then being at home and hanging with them... so not sure if I can visit anyone else but I am going to try and snag an afternoon to visit my dear older sister... she knows I will need to...

Nicole... think about this whole weekend.. but keep the thoughts to yourself or an email... please.. and I can say yes probably to everything you are thinking of in the "oh dear" area.....

Love lots to all

Pass one obsession over for another...

2009-07-01T18:44:00.000-07:00

Ted Dekker... honestly... AMAZING

I just finished one of his series... and for the first time found it utterly odd how this is all connected..

Ok he has his circle series.. this includes something like 12 books with another on the way. It is SO weird how the peices fit together in the books. I did not really know they connected until this last series I finished. They are so utterly connected it is intense. I like how my books follow in a series BUT this one does not do that... it is just weird. I am looking forward to the next book Green... I just love his writtings..

I would suggest if you want to get into his books that you start with one of his individual ones... something like Boneman's daughters or House or Adam...

If you are ready to have you mind think at the same time as reading then go for the circle series! Seriously!!

Christian author and really brings God into it all and totally amazing!!!

The growing up phase...

2009-06-20T17:30:00.000-07:00

Yes I am still going through it... I will admit it.. but the shock is long over.

I am now noticing My baby sister is going through the beginning phases.. LOL It is so weird to look at it through a distance. I have a few of my younger friends who are now going through this phase.

Where friends grow distant and get on with their lives. You feel like there is no one around, you are taking LARGE steps you never wanted to take (moving out of your parents house, getting your own place, or just finishing high school for some). I remember this and my growing up shock stage was when I moved to Vancouver.

I was glad to have a least one friend for a time and then God gave me another one after she abandoned me. Now tho I see that it is not really needed so far... I am content! But yet I have friends here now. Mind you one if from my past who I love and adore and another is new and amazing. But I now have friends here and I am content.

I know I am going to hit another shock growing up stage soon when I graduate from college and am finally a professional in my Field and not just a student. And after that it will be when I buy my first house or get married. I know there are more stages coming but the first one is always a huge shock. Most of your life for 18 years at least you have (my point of view) have been safe and warm, with a loving family willing to help you with your choices and decisions. You have never needed to worry about not having the money to put food on your table tonight, or where your next meal will come from. Or if you can go out until 3 am and get up to go to work or school the next day. You never had to worry that you did not have the money for cable or Internet it was all taken care of for you. And now you are moving, you are headed out on your own, even if it is only a few blocks but now you have bills and responsibility... you are growing up the first phase the one that takes a while to get used to the one that will bring you to tears at night because you are so scared.

I swear if I did not have God with me at that time I would have given up, if I had and still am on his mission what he has told me to do for the last few years I would have given up. I am not built to be away from my family for very long I cannot do it I depend on them for their support and love and would not have it any way.

There are days I would rather stay in bed asleep because all I want that day is Akiva's head on my lap or her conversations that make no sense to me but makes a load of sense to her. Or a lecture from The older sister about this or that, or the talks about muses and how they ruin or make your lives better.. or even boys. Or jades smile pictures just don't do it right. Or mom's embrace and her very loving presence, Dad's hugs ohh dad's hugs they make the world right. Casie's gossip or life lessons I never learned or her very presence and the big brother I never had but thanks to God is so in my life.. he probably has no idea how much I miss him. (tigger) My family, my world and sometimes even when God is with me.. my everything. Grandma's knowledge and love that I know exactly where mom got it from. And Grandpa's life lessons.. I will never ever forget any of it. There are days where all I want is someone of those things and it just hurts to get out of bed and find my place to empty and quiet. You will never find my place quiet I always have music going or the TV even when I am sleeping. Those are the days I turn the music up louder and clean something making an excuse in my head as to why I need to go get groceries or something. To be out and around people even if I do not speak to any of them even if I listen to my Mp3 the entire time. I am around people may not be the people I want to be around but it is people.

There are those days that I wake up and I look at my empty apartment and would not trade it for the world and enjoy a moment of silence.. never too long but those are the days I lock out the world and lock out people and close myself off and love it! Those are more then the others... but the others bring a very real realization to me.. I love my family and would not know what to do without them.

The world does not revolve around me.. but my world does and those people are what make it up for me with God in the middle with me. But those people are my world with a few others... like Luke or Elise, Rianna, Char, Jon and Mir, and a few others. But my family are my base and would not change that for the world!

I thought...

2009-06-18T14:42:00.000-07:00

I would make my blog represent where I would rather be these days. I would rather be out in the forest hanging out and listening to nature...

So I had an odd dream last night,

We were I could only assume the entire family was there but we were at a cabin in the woods. I knew the family was there but my thoughts wondered to Dad like we had just spoken or something. Anyways I was in what I assumed was my bedroom it was large with a good sized bed and a TV and everything people dream of when they dream they are rich. that was not the odd part it was almost natural that I was there. Tigger (Miss. Tigger my cat) was there and I was hanging with her talking to her. Nothing too important and just hanging with her like I did when she was alive. She got upset or something but decided she was going to go outside and jumped out an open window by me. I let her in once with the door from my bedroom that led to the back part of the cabin. Then she jumped out again and I heard her his and something else that let me know she had caught something. I leaned out and saw a dead mouse and thought that was it but then saw her with her teeth in brown fur. I was curious and went outside and saw it was a baby cub. I grabbed it from tigger right away afraid tigger would injure it and made sure tigger went inside the cabin. I closed the door and locked it and closed the window so tigger could not get out and went to the front room where Dad was. I was worried about the cub and what we would do with it (the entire time I was holding the cub) I was worried that it's mother would smell my scent on it and not want it or something like that.

Thats when it ended and I justified in my head that we would have taken it to an animal shelter or something or done research to see if there was proof to show the mom would not welcome it back or something...

it was odd

hmmm...

2009-06-17T02:28:00.000-07:00

How long has it been since I have taken a picture I can be proud of?

Ohh... I remember... MONTHS! To long.. I am without a muse (well ok not like the one in my head these days) but the things she offers me is not easily created or made or even found locked by transit or a city.

I am not inspired in this place and I know this. I hardly am in a city it is hard being here... specially for this long.

For the time being I am stuck here and I know this.. now don't get me wrong I am strangely content.. but I am not inspired.. my art and passion has suffered.

Soon I hope soon enough I will be able to travel outside of the city and seek the refuge and sanctuary of the forest of the mountains. *sigh*

Just a little longer... I can do this I know I can I love him to much not to survive this. *sigh*

Soon I will be blessed with a car thanks to God and my grandparents and will be able to visit my sanctuary...

For now I work. pray, eat, sleep, and read!

(Missing the most at the moment... strangely my grandparents in Ontario)

Is it odd?

2009-06-08T00:09:00.000-07:00

That these days I would rather be out in the woods sleeping out there. With a tent or with does not matter, but under the stars and the trees.

Amoung the wildlife and just out there... of course I prefer to have my kitchen and plumbing but I feel a desire to go to the woods and to the mountains.

Looking forward to being free.. free as a bird

I have a routinue every night, I turn off all the lights and get my bed ready. But before I go to bed I step out on my balcony and breath in as much "fresh" air as I can. I can sometimes smell the moister in the air.. my favorite is after even a light rain fall it smells more like the forest. Fresh.. as fresh as you can get in the city.

Depending on my mood this could last for a minute or I have stood out there for half an hour just breathing.

I will retire in the mountains I know it...

P.s. the moon was wicked awesome the other night!

Interview

2009-06-07T21:57:00.001-07:00

On monday... hope it goes well!

HEAT!

2009-06-03T00:37:00.000-07:00

Alright I have noticed even more how I am not a fan of the heat...

This is going to be really tough I don't think my fan will stop being on!

Sickness...

2009-05-28T03:19:00.000-07:00

UGH!

I was sick yesterday and the kind of sick you wish your mommy was there LOL

I was interpreting when it really hit I was fine for most of the day with a little bit of a sore throat and then as I am at my interpreting assignment I start to have the aches... Thank goodness (and God) that it did not over take me until I got in the door. I knew as soon as I got home I had minutes if not seconds to get myself comfortable before the sickness (I am guessing the flu) took me over. As soon as I got my comforter on me on the couch with the TV on it had me...

I was in so much pain from the aches it brought me to tears... Cracked ribs... falling off a horse... NOTHING compared to what I was in it seemed... I then relized how HOT I was .. everyone who knows me knows I would prefer to be cold and stiff compared to boiling! Well I was boiling no matter if I had the blanket off or on me I was so hot it was awful.. but I discovered that if I kept my blanket on me and trapped the heat it helped with the aches they became dull and I could doze off. So once that was under control I let myself doze of for an hour or two eventually I decided I should try my bed...

Well I went to bed I had my fan on FULL blast almost because the fever was not going anywhere and I tossed and turned all night long... I felt like I was getting no sleep at all through out the night. Every time I woke up I could feel the heat that my body was giving off it was INSANE I had never been that hot in my life! Eventually morning came and I felt a little better I was afraid to get up. The day before/ night I had balance problems.. almost feel over twice getting to the bathroom. So I was afraid it would be the same... but the aches were gone... well the sickness aches there was a dull sorness through my body like I had run for a really long time.

I sat up and noticed my balance was only a tiny bit off and it was alright. My head hurt like I had hit it a few times against a wall but for the most part my body felt fine..

I just had a dull headache (which got worse as I did my homework... I eventually took more advil then normal and was able to finish my homework) and then relaxed for the rest of the evening.. sadly I am still not tired even tho I will try to get some sleep now... it is 3:30 in the morning and I hate being sick ... it throws my sleep pattern off completely and it really is not something I enjoy doing alone... so hard to make soup for yourself when you cannot even walk to the bathroom not even 10 steps away!

Sigh tomorrow I should be completely better I hope I hate not tasting anything I eat!

*slight smile*

Very odd..

2009-05-18T01:30:00.000-07:00

Alright I had taken a break from writting because well I had nothing else to write for awhile... but now my muse is well forming more...

and there is so much I could spend days writting... but now I have no time until maybe next week.... GAH!

# 300!!

2009-05-16T16:27:00.000-07:00

300 posts! WOOT!!

So Luke is kind of awesome! He bought me three months of WOW for the summer! WOOT!

and I get to test it out on my new computer and computer screen!

AWESOME!!!!!

WOOT!

2009-05-15T20:50:00.000-07:00

So I got the computer up and running!!

Large thanks to DAD and mom for helping me and getting me a new monitor..

And thank you Nicole for the Tower!!

Only complaint is with the firefox on this computer there is a large white bar at the bottom! lol other then that it is great!!!!

Big smiles!

It's like coming down from .. well a high..

2009-05-13T22:11:00.001-07:00

But it is not the same I don't think never experienced it and never want to..

but When you have been readying a book series you have enjoyed and you have immersed yourself into the book series.. and then you finish it. Like you have been in a new world and then you are ripped back to earth...

kind of blows really makes me not want to read another book series or anything lol almost that bad ohh well

time to find another book series.. might just go back to twilight again I am able to read that series again and again but for some reason I cannot bring myself to re read Harry Potter... at least not yet I will be able to later possibly but for now I may go back to Edward and Bella... we shall see...

New Haircut

2009-05-04T19:17:00.000-07:00

Well I got a new haircut.. shorter then I wanted it to be but ohh well it will grow.. and not really styled the way I would do it.. but it is not bad.. just really grownup! LOL

When I style it myself I will show that too... this is how it is now..

Writing....

2009-05-03T03:03:00.000-07:00

Ok I can guarantee my writing is crap... and this story sucks but MAN I used to try my hand at writing when I was younger.. but NEVER have I written this much and I could write all night if my eyes did not want to close on themselves. I have about 9 chapters of the basic story where eventually if I feel like it I will indeed put more meat into it.. but of the basic story it is about 9 chapters and only starting to get going, and about 30 something odd pages. WEIRD!!!

I used to write stories when I was younger but those have nothing on this one.. I am not saying it is good I am just saying I don't want to stop writing it... it is like reading a good book but it comes from my own head and I cannot get enough of it.

Sadly my memories of the dreams or ideas only come out best at night.. thus why I am up at 3 am still and wanting not to stop writing... I want to keep going with the story I have so much I have not written out yet that I had dreamt about.. WOW is all I have to say! WOW

WOW

2009-04-30T19:11:00.000-07:00

Alright... as of this Aug I will have lived on my own in Vancouver for 2 years!

WOW

When I think about it.. the life experience I have gained from this is insane! I have had a roomate turn on me.. steal from me. A church show their true colors, boyfriends who really were not that great for me, been through and still getting through depression (I am at a point where it is not getting worse but not getting better.. almost like I am waiting for a change)! Been happy been sad, made new friends, lost some friends. Seen some of my dreams achieved and some of them squashed. Lived with someone lived on my own, lived with no money to my name, had more money then I thought I could dream about. Seen time fly by and time slow down. Felt so alone and felt so crowded.

I cannot believe it... two years... there are decisions I would LOVE to take back and so many I would never ever take back. I just wonder... if I had known what I was getting into what was going to happen to me through these two years... would I have still moved or stayed home? Not sure if I can answer that...

Does not matter I only have one year left (as of May) exactly basically and then that is it for living in Vancouver.. I know there are things I am going to miss about this place. It was where I really became an adult, the mountains are SO close I take skytrain rides just to see them. The weather in the winter is more to my liking, it is always so GREEN here!

BUT! and I really mean BUT!

My friends and family are in Edmonton, it is less crowded in Edmonton and everyone knows I would rather be in a house in the mountains then in the city! The atmosphere is so much better in Edmonton... and Spiritually healthier! My home is still Edmonton... just Glad to know I will be coming back once and awhile for workshops and such for work!

This city has changed me and still is I just am not sure by how much yet and if it is for the better or not.

*****************************************************************************

As for how I am feeling at the moment... I was writing to a friend toy about how I am doing and it kind of startled me when I was telling her..

I am not sad, I am not mad, I am not angry, I am not happy.. I am just content..

content to sit on my couch, single, almost friendless (in this city), not stressed, Jobless for the time being (I did apply EVERYWHERE), reading the same 4 books over and over again.. but content this is such an odd thing... almost like I am not feeling anything... BUT I am not dead inside I just have nothing to feel about...

weird!

Anyways I am good and fine and content that is all that matters for now :D

Some of my favs...

2009-04-28T19:32:00.000-07:00

I will send a CD home with mom when she comes to visit for you nicole with them all on there not just my favs!

My Fav!

Her problems...

2009-04-26T13:33:00.000-07:00

She has revenge on her mind none stop, may not be in the front of her mind but is always there. And also thinks she will never be able to have another lover in her existence.

And she is becoming utterly bored!

I have a muse....

2009-04-25T20:57:00.000-07:00

She came out of the wood works the other night... she has always been there but very much in the background and in the dark where she prefers. But I could blame the Twilight books for making her come out or I could blame my own mind either way she has made herself known...

I know her full name now and even her history... and how breathtaking beautiful she is *sigh* of course you probably have guessed she is a Vampire but can pass as a human so easily. And very very very old she's still trying to figure out her age for me since time was not kept very well when she was created. Ohh but her story is very interesting... I know understand a few more things about myself and my own personality.

Where I get my quiet and reserved personality from. Not the typical first child attitude and well behaved manner. And when I want to be or try to be very polite and almost "woman" like attitude.

Interesting person or I should say Immortal.. and something I look forward to writting and developing... hmm..

Ohh if your interested her name is: Elizabeth Sophia Renato-Mansueto

*this will make more sense to my older sister then anyone else, everyone else will think I am just insane which is true*

Once I find a picture of her I will post it... but to describe her... she looks like me but way way better skinny, chocolate brown hair but she does dye it once and awhile. Her hair is down to her butt, and never cuts it since it does not grow anymore. wavy hair, many of the same features I have bit more defined. She makes me look like a bum on the street on my best days LOL

Yes.. back in Van

2009-04-21T17:37:00.000-07:00

I am here and the day is beautiful... sigh I do not want to be here... but I will take it without to much complaint...

8 Months till I am back home!

If you did not know...

2009-04-12T21:59:00.001-07:00

I am home now for a little bit...

The end of something...

2009-04-08T15:30:00.000-07:00

Sigh.. as we wrap up our classes and say goodbye to some classmates wishing them a good summer.

We all realize that in fact we made it through our first year of the program... Yes that is exactly right we did it we made it through the first year. Yes most of us have other classes we have to take in the summer, but the next time we really hit this course full on we will be the second years. We will be the students that have been through this already some what, all the teachers will know our names and know us. We made it through!!

It is hard to believe I only have one more year before I am working in my career.... one more year where 5 years ago I was on this path I was headed to where I am exactly right now! I have one more year to work hard and stay on this and then... a new direction for my life... no idea where God wants me to go after this but in only a short year then... really... I will be on to something different.

This year has been hard ... really hard, living on my own with no roommate or anyone. Living off of student loans with no time to work. Being more poor then I ever thought I would be but still knowing it could be 10 times worse. Still no real friends here but starting to make bonds with classmates. Finding out more about myself as I go along all the while feeling like everything was on hold. The days of classes and homework have been blurred into one .. feels like no time has really passed. I know it has I can feel it in my body and in my soul that so much has changed but in my head it really feels like I have just finished the first day of classes and yet there is nothing else to do.

This feeling is weird and so hard to explain it contradicts itself in so many ways. I have discovered that I do in fact see the world differently, I see things different then other individuals. Not yet sure if this is because of God (the only real explanation I can think of) or if this is a gift of some sorts... it is weird and I wish I could explain it when I really cant I do not understand it...

It really does feel like everything has been put on hold.. like back home I have pressed the pause button as I go off and grow up. Wont it be a shocker when I get home and find nothing has been put on pause and life really does keep going... Experiences gained here but missed there.

hmmm..... Interesting

Plans...

2009-04-08T12:42:00.000-07:00

Thus far!

Wednesday night get in (well at midnight)

Thursday day.. sleep and hang out at home... posibly go meet up with some friends from school and celebrate Laura's birthday back home..

Friday 10:30 go to lunch with deborah
Later that night hang at home with casie and her friends (poker night)

Saturday Nicole's all day (and maybe night if they are going to the folks house for an dinner)

Sunday depends on if there is a dinner or not but for the most part just hang at home

Monday same deal
... and that is all so far lol

Just need to...

2009-04-06T10:47:00.001-07:00

live through 2 more days that is all and then my reality will be back in my heart.... and I will be home for a bit!

Sigh!

2 more long long long long long days!

Paramore I Caught Myself

2009-04-06T02:19:00.001-07:00

Down to you
You're pushing and pulling me down to
But I don't know what I
Now when I caught myself, I had to stop myself
I'm saying something that I should have never thought
Now when I caught myself, I had to stop myself
I'm saying something that I should have never thought of you

You're pushing and pulling me down too
But I don't know what I want
No I don't know what I want

You got it, you got it
Some kind of magic
Hypnotic, hypnotic
You're leaving me breathless
I hate this, I hate this
You're not the one I believe in
With God as my witness

Now when I caught myself, I had to stop myself
I'm saying something that I should have never thought
Now when I caught myself, I had to stop myself
I'm saying something that I should have never thought of you

You're pushing and pulling me down too
But I don't know what I want
No I don't know what I want

Don't know what I want
But I know it's not you
Keep pushing and pulling me down
But I know in my heart it's not you

Now when I caught myself, I had to stop myself
I'm saying something that I should have never thought
Now when I caught myself, I had to stop myself
I'm saying something that I should have never thought of you
I knew, I know in my heart it's not you
I never know what I want, I want, I want
Oh no, I should have never thought

Collective Soul › Tremble For My Beloved

2009-04-06T02:15:00.000-07:00

The hour has begun
Your eyes have now opened

To a world where madness craves
To a world where hopes enslaved
Oh, Ill tremble for my love always

Your windows, opened wide
Your innocence takes flight

To a world where madness craves
To a world where hopes enslaved
Oh, Ill tremble for my love always

Its a world where madness craves
Its a world where hopes enslaved
Oh, I tremble for my love always

Its a world where madness craves
Its a world where hopes enslaved
Yeah, I tremble for you, love, always

Blue Foundation - Eyes On Fire Lyrics

2009-04-06T02:12:00.001-07:00

Eyes On Fire Lyrics

ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh
ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh
ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh
ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh
I’ll seek you out,
Flay you alive
One more word and you won’t survive
And I’m not scared of your stolen power
I see right through you any hour

I won’t soothe your pain
I won’t ease your strain
You’ll be waiting in vain
I got nothing for you to gain

I’m taking it slow
Feeding my flame
Shuffling the cards of your game
And just in time
In the right place
Suddenly I will play my ace

I won’t soothe your pain (ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh)
I won’t ease your strain
(ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh)
You’ll be waiting in vain
(ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh)
I got nothing for you to gain

Eyes on fire
Your spine is ablaze
Felling any foe with my gaze

And just in time
In the right place
Steadily emerging with grace

ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh,felling any foe with my gaze
ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh, steadily emerging with grace
ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh, felling any foe with my gaze
ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh, Steadily emerging with grace

Reality creeping up...

2009-04-03T18:08:00.001-07:00

When I first moved it .. it felt like it was a movie something that was not real. And there were moments where it hit me that it was indeed real but most of the time it felt like it was nothing at all. Mostly because there is never anything big that happens here.

Back in Edmonton is where my life is.. all I love completely is back in Edmonton (excusing the fact that God is my center and my world) but everything else is back home!

I was able to keep my self... in reality when all I had was school work, eating, school, laundry, TV... but then I read twilight I finished all four books in a matter of 5 days and only because I had school to contend with other wise it would have been more like 2 days. They are not small books at all over 500 pages each and the last one is over 700.

I know my older sister would not like the books there would to much she disagreed with.

And I agree about one or two things... but I never believed Vampires glittered in the sun OR burst into flames either.

But these books gave me a place to escape to at the end of the school year and I wish I never had to leave. It was like I was Bella at moments and I really wish I had been more careful. I need a good dose of reality right now to shake it all off... but of course I will be going back to the books and re reading them again!

So I am really looking forward to coming home and getting my reality dose even tho I would rather stay reading about Edward and Bella forever. (brings tears to my eyes)

I can only relate this to because I feel I am not part of this world.. I belong back home with my dad (God) so eventually all the happiness that Bella felt is what I will feel. But I have a nice long life ahead of me before then with a reality here to deal with.

So I wanted you to know where I am coming from when I get home.

Love you all

Totally excited!

2009-03-31T22:57:00.000-07:00

As of tomorrow I will be done all my presentations for my first year!

As of tomorrow (once I edit my paper) I will be done all of my assignments for my first year!

I can breath relax and clean and pack! And read of course!

I have in fact been reading twilight... and sadly I addicted and it is not a healthy addiction! I have two more books and will be finished the series before I come home and I know that. I just (hate to say it because I can hear Nicole lauging) I was bella! lol

And trust me Nicole you would not like these books..

and the book is 100000 times better then the movie!

I really really really

2009-03-30T22:50:00.000-07:00

need to remember next time that I need to wait until all my assignments are over before I start reading...

thank goodness that all I have left is presentations and one paper but cannot do the paper until I do my interpretation tomorrow. SO as far as I am concerned my homework is kind of finished!

but I have read a book about 550 pages long in 2 days and have read another one that is about the same length and will be on chapter 8 of that one by the time I sleep....

Yup should have waited all I want to do is read now and not do homework and just take a week to read and not do anything else.... sigh.. when I retire I will have to be in the mountains in my house with two libraries full of books LOL

My first real actor crush....

2009-03-29T18:04:00.000-07:00

Robert Pattinson

I first say him in Harry Potter as Cedric Diggory. And totally had a crush, then twilight came out and they got him to play Edward... drool!!!!!! So yes my first real actor crush... sigh

600 days

2009-03-27T01:28:00.001-07:00

of livin in BC

You know your an interpreter when...

2009-03-25T21:09:00.000-07:00

For all the interpreters/transliterators who know how it goes. It's always nice to know somebody else can relate!

You know you're an ASL Interpreter when/if...

...You find yourself talking in ASL gloss

...You have a sidekick/blackberry/trio/pager with you 24/7

...You know who Peter Cook, Byron Yoder, Betty Colonomos, and Keith Wann are

...You know what "cha" and "pah" mean

...Your wardrobe consists of solid, plain colors... no patterns, no frills

...You find yourself distracted by and annoyed with "visual noise"

...You can have an entire conversation without saying a word or using a sign... it's all on your face

...You find that none of your jokes make sense to anyone else but fellow interpreters or d/Deaf people

...You know the cultural difference between deaf and Deaf.

...all the games you play are vocabulary builders or word games (ie: Boggle, Scrabble, Crosswords, Upwords, Dictionary Dabble, etc.)

...You find yourself unexplainably attracted to hands

...there are no large floral centerpieces on your kitchen/coffee table(s)

...You wake yourself up while signing in your sleep

...Your spelling is impeccable

...Your closed captioning is always on

...You know the difference between a nod of assent or comprehension and "the nod"

...You've ever been mistaken for a Deaf person by a Deaf person

...You have a VRS # in your phone

...You accidently/automatically say "go ahead" in regular phone conversations

...You've ever had a conversation with someone and were signing unconsciously (until they brought it to your attention)

...You own a pair of white gloves

...Speaking about yourself third person is in no way weird, creepy, or unusual to you anymore

...You're used to being stared at

...You've ever lost your name and identity to become, quite simply, "the interpreter"

...You can't sit and listen to a lecture/sermon/speech anymore without continually asking yourself, "How would I interpret that?"

...You have ever flung your glasses off your face while signing, and wait for a natural pause before picking them up

...You have spent all day talking/singing about something you don't understand or know anything about... like calculus, or electrical wiring, or __(fill in the blank)__

...You've ever been referred to as "the person in the corner of the TV screen"

...You hear a joke based on a play on words and immediately think "hearing joke!"

(taken from the group on facebook. )

Homework

2009-03-25T20:47:00.001-07:00

two weeks of school left and 2 interpretations plus analysis for each a 6 page paper about things I have already written, and a 2 page paper, plus a group project and a presentation ...

I think that is it but ya no time to go check my agenda book right now

S.W.A.T

2009-03-25T00:16:00.000-07:00

So yup.... swat... 11 people in a mall basement suite for bible study... it was about 9pm when we decided to leave and two people went out to their car. About a minute later they come back in and say they cannot leave because of the Canadian swat team. We thought it was because of all the cars... but nope after some talking about moving the cars we hear yelling outside...

"GET DOWN, GET DOWN ON THE GROUND FLAT! LAY DOWN .. CRAWL FORWARD SLOWLY!"

We all rush to the window and up it was SWAT ..... ohh sigh we watched the dogs.. and them going into the house breaking down the door and so much more... we could not leave .. we were planning on where to sleep and calls were made to parents. And everything... ohh sigh I finally got home but my plans were thrown out the window! ...

OHH S.W.A.T.....

So I bought sims 2 ..

2009-03-23T18:10:00.000-07:00

For myself since I cannot play wow since it is to expensive... I have to limit myself on when I can play it...

only on weekends and only if I am done what needs to be done with school and homework. ....

but ya...

WELL...

2009-03-23T17:37:00.001-07:00

Two classes done (for class time) one is completely done.. ad the other one will hopefully be finished by this friday for homework.

My homework (all of it) will be done by April 3rd but volunteer interpreting will be forever!!

lol

SO EXCITING!

So ready...

2009-03-22T22:54:00.000-07:00

To be done this semester... I am just holding on .. (I mean my brain) for three more weeks... that is it!!

Then home for my vacation and then coming back here... for more school... I swear when I am done school in 2010 I am going to let out one long long yell and then fall down and sleep for 5 days! lol

This essay..

2009-03-18T17:55:00.000-07:00

is my enemy!

Ohh joy...

2009-03-17T10:49:00.000-07:00

off to the dentist I go...

for the last few weeks I have had a funny taste in my mouth... like I can taste a filling or something... and now the back of my jaw hurts (left side) so I think I need to make a trip to the dentist. I cannot afford it and am praying that the health insurance I have with the school will cover most of it. If they tell me I need fillings and such (which I am sure I need) sorry too bad I cannot afford it this time around I will do it next time....

But yes ... I hate the dentist! Thankfully the dentist I have back home was a friend of a friend so it made things a little easier but here..... I know no one so I am not going to enjoy this at all!

P.s. I NEED more desk space lol!

YAA...

2009-03-13T16:13:00.000-07:00

So I got some movies today from nicole!! WOOT thank you! I will take any of those movies that you replace with blueray!

And the best part of it is having the pictures!!!!! WOOOOOOOT

So in that whole thing... this is my "you know your an aunt when..."

You know when you are an aunt when..... Your fridge is covered in pictures

You know when you are an aunt when.... You buy things for projects and know that your niece/nephew will be able to use it later

You know when you are an aunt when... you miss the sounds of screaming children but know that you can always "give them back"

You know when you are an aunt when...

(I will think of more later)

I want my mommy!

2009-03-11T09:45:00.000-07:00

This is the kind of day where I wish mom was here or I was married or something... I just dont want to make my own soup or anything...

I am sick once again!

This time it seems really bad.. I tried hard to go to school got dressed and everything even went to school for an hour and a half but could not do it! I could not make it through I just got worse and worse and worse...

I can tell I am getting sick because I wake up with a huge headache... but usually I can last through the day and then come home and rest and hopefully beat it... this time no such luck. I got to school and the fever started.. I was wearing nothing heavy not even a sweater and I was sweating and everyone else was cold. Then came the blinding pain! Ohh the headache! Then came the feeling like if I stood up I was going to throw up. Then the wonderful "the room is spinning the room is spinning" feeling when I put my head down for a sec. At that point I knew .. and I mean KNEW it was time to go home. But I HATE HATE HATE missing school like honestly hate it! Plus I setup a meeting with a teacher that day so I wanted to make it through... but nope cannot do it! I talked to the teacher of the class and told him I think it is best if I go home ... and that was that

I got home got into my sick clothing right away (which means almost nothing because of the fever) and moved my mattress out into my living room area so I could hear the TV and watch it as I dooze in and out and such...

Just wish mom or someone was here to make me soup! *sigh* these are the times I hate living alone!

2009-03-10T15:25:00.001-07:00

Looked down from a broken sky.
Traced out by the city of lights.
My world from a mile high.
Best seat in the house tonight.
Touch down on the cold black-top.
Hold on for the sudden stop.
Breathe in the familiar shock of confusion and chaos.
Are all those people going somewhere? Why have I never cared.

Give me your eyes for just one second,
Give me your eyes so I can see,
Everything that I keep missing,
Give your love for humanity.
Give me your arms for the broken-hearted
The ones that are far beyond my reach.
Give me Your heart for the ones forgotten.
Give me Your eyes so I can see.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.

Step out on the busy street.
See a girl and our eyes meet.
Does her best to smile at me.
To hide what's underneath.
There's a man just to her right
Black suit and a bright red tie.
Too ashamed to tell his wife he's out of work, he's buyin time.
Are all those people going somewhere? Why have I never cared.

Give me your eyes for just one second,
Give me your eyes so I can see,
Everything that I keep missing,
Give me your love for humanity.
Give me Your arms for the broken-hearted
The ones that are far beyond my reach.
Give me Your heart for the ones forgotten.
Give me Your eyes so I can see.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.

I've been there a million times.
A couple of million lives.
Just movin past me by, I swear I never thought that I was wrong.
But I wanna second glance so give me a second chance to see the way you've seen the people all along.

Give me your eyes for just one second,
Give me your eyes so I can see,
Everything that I keep missing,
Give me your love for humanity.
Give me Your arms for the broken-hearted
The ones that are far beyond my reach.
Give me Your heart for the ones forgotten.
Give me Your eyes so I can see.

Give me your eyes for just one second,
Give me your eyes so I can see,
Everything that I keep missing,
Give me Your love for humanity
Give me Your arms for the broken-hearted
The ones that are far beyond my reach.
Give me Your heart for the ones forgotten.
Give me Your eyes so I can see.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah

Brandon Heath - Give Me your Eyes

Mom I WANT WANT WANT this CD!!! and his other one I think I have a new favorite singer at this moment! His music reminds me a lot of phil joel and Shawn McDonald!

totally me right now

2009-03-09T18:45:00.001-07:00

Lyrics to Wrapped In Plastic :
where is my uniform i know i don't fit in
i'm not wrapped in plastic and i can't be paper thin
they told me what to say, gave me what to wear
taught me their colloquialism but i don't even hear

if i search a little harder if i pray
if i stay a little longer will i find you

i'll never be the one to shadow fashion queens
i can't be perfect, whatever perfect means
how could i get so blase, drop my guard, relax
how could i be so see through and let them see all that

hold still while i attach some meaning
don't move while i make it real
isolation only makes it harder
this thing has lost it's feel

(Juliagrace)

Today..

2009-03-09T16:48:00.000-07:00

I think today I miss Nicole the most... normally I don't miss someone over anyone else but today for some reason I miss my big sister. I just miss being there with her and relating to her, and having her give me my usual lectures that ya I may not enjoy at the time but it shows me she loves me and cares for me. I wish today I could be home so that I could find a babysitter for the kids and just me and her go out for supper and drinks or something and just spend some time with my big sister. *sigh* For some reason I just want my big sister! No idea why no real reason to just.. ya..

Normally I miss my mommy specially on a daily basis, or my dad, or my little sister but today I just want my big sister here with me chatting it up about boys, girls, life, and God.

*sigh*

Offical

2009-03-08T17:11:00.001-07:00

I am coming home from April 8 - 21!!

just wanted to let you know!

There is thunder

2009-03-05T00:07:00.000-08:00

There is thunder and ya nothing like alberta tho

changed my email

2009-03-04T19:17:00.001-08:00

please make note!

apryl.morr@gmail.com

Single yet again

2009-03-03T21:51:00.000-08:00

yuppers single yet again and you know what it sucks I am sitting here crying yet again I just am so tired of being here!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well there back, back again, guess whats back...

2009-03-02T08:34:00.001-08:00

I remember when I was younger (cannot think of the age exactly) I stayed home from school once because my cramps got so bad I could barely stand let alone sit...

well it is back... I have not had them this bad since then! This is stupid!! Ohh well so I decided to stay home plug in a movie and work on a rather large paper... since I cannot sit up properly and need a hot water bottle placed in the right spot...

Please let it only be today... I hate hate hate missing school because of this ... like seriously.. how do you explain to your teachers why you are missing school????

Sitting here... doing nothing....

2009-02-25T14:43:00.000-08:00

I am here at the school doing basically nothing.. well I am writting an essay but still nothing major just trying to kill time until 4pm when I will hopefully be able to use the VP (video phone) and call a friend in alberta and do some more homework

and then after all that I am going to rush to the skytrain and try and make it to king george skytrain by 5:50 so I can meet up with andre and the two of us will go to the pub where he will be competing in pool for the night...

woot woot!

"Just for the Interpreter I am going to clarify"

2009-02-24T17:33:00.000-08:00

I am just wanting to clear something up... I am still homesick and will never not be home sick!

THE Decision ...

2009-02-23T10:17:00.000-08:00

So I have been struggling with the choice of staying here for the summer and saving a few bucks or going back home so I can be with family...

Well it has been decided I am staying here for the summer (I can already hear your groans nicole) but I have to it is only one summer and it will make it less stress on me .. I will be home for a visit at some point, and then possibly a road trip too ... so there will be times I am home but not through out the whole summer.

This makes me really sad because I miss special moments with friends and family and specially the little ones I love so much but this must be done. After this schooling is done I am moving back for good anyways so this is just a little more time right?

and btw I am offically dating someone and he will be coming home at some point with me to meet you all if it goes as well as I am feeling it will..

remeber nicole the feeling I got about it not being too much longer until I wont be "dating" anymore????

So I am asking for your support in this decision and I always have a couch for you if you come here to visit!

Love you all!

Hugs and kisses!

Well ladies and Gents...

2009-02-19T09:54:00.000-08:00

Guess what I have some great news! I am now volunteer interpreting... I am nervous as can be but so very excited. I am warning you .. you shall hear nothing about the assignements other then the fact I was on one. You will not know where or when or with who!

This is so exciting and nerve racking!

Hope all yours days are good! Woot!

I am hearing..

2009-02-18T18:20:00.000-08:00

More and more motorcycles outside... and if you are wondering if it is nice enough out to go riding... it totally is!

I survived!

2009-02-16T10:55:00.000-08:00

The weekend is over and I survived.... now I have to survive the week!

Today I have a group presentation, then tmw class all day and an essay due, then wensday class, thursday I have class all day then DVST and then a forum of interpreters so wont be done till 9pm and thankfully on friday we have off!

Well love... and everyone else...

2009-02-11T21:27:00.000-08:00

This weekend is the weekend that I have been so nervous for!!

We go away as a class and interpret all weekend long so this is the plan...

Tomorrow night I am sleeping over at Kevins place so on friday his parents can drive the both of us and all will be good. We get there before 8:45 it is a must.. we get settled and figure out where we go and when exactly... and then start the day interpreting.

We do get a lunch break and then back at it until about 6 pm.. then dinner and then a party that we have to attend so up till 9 (I think that is the earliest we are allowed to go to bed) and then the next day we start again at 9 am and go till lunch and then again after lunch until 6 again then we have the night to ourselves so me and dad will go for sushi maybe and I will shower!!! then I have to be back by 10 for bed. then the next day same thing until about 5 and then last meeting and we can go. Then off to the art show for the night after being dead tired! Once that is all done I am going to crash!!!

and see dad off in the morning and then school in the afternoon and everyday but friday after that.....

I shall let you know how it goes!

Guess what

2009-02-10T12:18:00.001-08:00

I can wear flip flops!!! still a tad cold but not too cold.... I am so going to wear flipflops!

yup yup

2009-02-07T13:31:00.000-08:00

Going to Ottawa July in 2010!

Clear Days like today...

2009-02-04T16:58:00.000-08:00

That I feel like I live in Hinton or something because I am surrounded by mountains...

Gotta say when I move back home... you might find me in the mountains every second weekend! lol

I want...

2009-02-03T19:33:00.000-08:00

A kitten SO FRICKEN bad right now at this moment!

like this one!!!

Defeated

2009-02-03T16:12:00.000-08:00

I feel very defeated, I do not know what it is about these last few days I just feel... really out of it!