I swear to you!!!!

*WARNING* THIS IS A LITTLE MORE RELIGOUS/PARNOIA THAN NORMAL *WARNING*

I swear to you that "something" does not want me to finish school. To graduate from this program and go on to do... hell knows what! I swear to you!

I have come up against car crashes and accidents, to stressful times and failures... but seriously this is enough already!

Let us start in the beginning....

I was in grade ten, had no clue as to what I wanted to be/ do with my life. I thought maybe a chef or something. Well I was taking Sign Language (and to be honest it was my mom's suggestion and I completely and utterly thank her now, to take sign language and not German) I was getting to know the teacher and preferred to chat with her (in sign) just before class started. So I would make sure to be early for class. This was a few weeks into my grad ten year and I walked into the classroom and she was chatting with two other students who were a year ahead of me. They were talking about becoming interpreters. It took me forever! To know what they were talking about, but as soon as I understood they turned to me (all three of them) and asked if that is what I wanted to do with my life. I stood there... like a deer in headlights and thought for one second which felt like an hour and said maybe.

After that moment my life seriously changed! I really considered it, I had never ever thought about it before, and really wanted to make sure this was God driven and not something I "thought" I could do. So I prayed and in my complete and utter teenage attitude told God he had to give me signs... and it had to be three very clear ones if he wanted me to do this.

I got all three on my way home from school... 1. Was an encouragement from one of the girls when I was heading out to the bus. We ran into each other and she talked about all the options. 2. When I was more then half way home I spotted a few people signing at the bus depot at west Edmonton mall and 3. Coming home on the bus I saw Dad's truck out the window and for some reason knew it was him and thought "hmm... I could be driving all over the place as an interpreter." From there... things took off.

I really focused on Sign Language, found where I was going what my options were and knew what I wanted to do!

I graduated High school and this is where the real work began, I went to Lakeland, meet my ASL teacher. Found out at the end that I had no signing skill at all in this teacher’s perspective (you have to understand I went through testing so I could skip two courses of ASL and just take the final one in college. I passed with no problem) I was doing great in her class till she found out who my high school teacher was, and then my grades fell.

Sign 1 that something does not want me doing this (you must remember I did not really think like something was out there preventing me until the most recent one so keep that in mind!)

Well I passed enough to go on to the other classes. Since the classes were out in Sherwood Park I thought it best (along with my parents) that I get a car. So I did and after a few months of having it I got into a major car accident which has messed up my back for the rest of my life. (By the way the accident was technically my fault but I watched as the other driver literally sped up when he was going to hit me)

Sign 2 (by the way I had three paramedics on sight within seconds I swear they were all angels!)

So no more car... ohh well I lived and that was the important thing (ps. all the EMTs and firefighters were confused as to why the windshield did not shatter and I did not have a broken bone in my body when they swore I should be probably dead)

Next came the other classes... for awhile nothing bad or horrible happened then came the end of the program... where they told us the interpreting program would not start for another year and even then it is not final.

Well I talked it over with my parents and bam I was off to Vancouver after finding a roommate and cheap place to live and figuring everything out.

Was great for the first 7 months and then my roommate stopped talking to me and I lost a good amount of money to her.

Sign 3

So I went in search for an apartment because I had gotten accepted into the program. I searched all summer... found nothing

Sign 4

Finally by Grace of God and I swear it was him all along... mom was looking in the final week before I had to be there... and found a place right by the school... WOOT!

School was going great! Lots of work and hard times but over all great... then came the summer... I had to take classes and I was so homesick I was literally sick!

I took classes and was doing great in the one I really needed until the last essay... I failed that (we only had two major essays and small assignments) I was sure I failed the class.

Sign 5

But by grace of God I just got the bare minimum. Then came my second year... where everything triples in difficulty. I was doing alright until a test in one of my classes.

I listen and study and read and practice... and failed. (Now to understand the class better, there were two tests in the class, both worth 25% each... you have to get a 75% in the interpreting classes to even pass) Trust me I had studied so hard for this test too!

Sign 6

By now I am ready to give up and quit! I didn’t think I would get to go on practicum or anything... sigh

In the end I did not pass the class but am now on a learning contract but am on practicum.

I find out in my second semester I get a total of 2,560 to live off of for 5 months. My rent alone per month is $825 hmm doesn’t work out.

Sign 7

I get to go on to practicum to Calgary, I am completely excited, and I am staying with m cousin who has been completely wicked and cool. I got an AWESOME mentor and I get to do freelance.

End of my first week... car accident where the car must have hit ice because no matter if I braked or not I still would have hit the other car.

Sign 8

I went to my assignments even made it home that Saturday to visit my dad... that Sunday I took the car into the shop because on my way home from E_town my check engine light came on... they told me that it was the gascap or something..

Going to be $1500 (remember how much I have to live off of for 5 months)

Sign 9

Well God did another great thing and mom and dad were going to pay for it and just "add it to my tab" WOOT... ohh wait I get a call... ya sure the gascap was broken but it had been replaced before and had been put on wrong.. which means the engine part that it is attached to.. is ruined and needs replacing.. that is only another $5000... I bought the car for $2500...

I called dad.. he said no of course (and I agreed and was saying no myself anyways) and so... no car! And I NEED a car to do freelance work in Calgary!

Sign 10 (this by the way is when I noticed... there is something that does not want me to do well and graduate I SWEAR IT!!!)

Thank God once again! Dad calls and tells me to get a ticket (grey hound) and come home and pick up mom's car to use.

I think I am really going to need prayers to survive the other two practicum’s if it is possibly going to get worse then it is now...

And if you are reading this and thinking (this girl is crazy, or this cannot be true there is nothing out to get her.) You NEED to know, nothing like this has ever happened... there are just too many things happening and I am honestly one of those good drivers! And I have no control over if a program will start or even be good in my chosen city.

So really... I swear to you.. something does not want me to finish school and graduate... I wonder why??????

The worst yet..

I am on practicum this month... the first little while was AMAZING! I loved it I worked hard and was learning SO much!

And then... Friday happened.

I got into a fender bender, The road was icy and even tho I was a good distance away I still couldn't stop in time! Sigh! Well I was on my way to my last appointment for the day when this happens. So I continued on (after exchanging all info) I was sore and could only observe. The car seemed drivable, and I was able to get to the appointment and back to where I am staying.

The next day (Saturday) I had planned to go home and hang with my dad for the day and stay the night. I still did that.. after all.. I needed Dad time! It was great we went to a motorcycle show and watched movies at home and hung out.

I left Sunday (today) to head back to Calgary, at first the car was making an odd notice when I turned the steering wheel. Nothing major, then I get to just outside of Calgary and the check engine light comes on.

I get to the neighborhood that I am staying in and checked the oil and coolant. Well they were low so I bought some and topped it up.

I drove to the house it was about a 10 min drive and I get to the house and check and well the oil is about the same... but the coolant has gone down like half a jug... SIGH!

SO here is the deal... if I don't have a car for practicum I am royally screwed! I cannot even do it!

So tomorrow I am taking the car into a mechanic and seeing if it is something simple and easy to fix. I really need prayers that it is easy to fix.

I don't car how the car looks.. it could look like a piece of crap as long as it runs!

I am ready to cry (already did... twice) and so ready to say "fuck it!"

I just don't get what is against me and why I cannot just finish school with only minor problems!

Prayers please!

HOME!

I am home yes I am! I am happy I am home....

So excited to see people! WOOT!

Home...

WOOT I cannot wait until thursday!! So excited!

I thought I would post a few recent shots...

MOM IS AWESOME!

got a ring tone from her (sadly I cannot use it on this phone) but I so will on another!!! these are the lyrics:

Your mamma’s calling back, for no good reason but just to chat, she’ll waist your minutes talking bout the cat, or bout how dad has gotten fat! Don’t pick up the phone it’s your mamma, don’t pick up the phone…

MY MOM SENT ME THAT!!!!

Shoot me now...

(found on google)

This is the stressful time of the year.

Where we find out if we are going out on practicum ... if we are worthy and good enough to go test our skills in the real world without the cover of the school. Also our homework that is due keeps trying to drown us... four ish assignments due in one week.

I then went ahead and told myself that I can challenge myself by trying to interpret a performance... what was I thinking... homework plus the number of hours we are practicing for this performance.. plus the performance itself.... Hmm I think I have gone off my meds!

Once this week is over we only have about 4 assignments left and even at that I am practically done two of them. So really it is nothing much.. it is just this week that I am glad I can buy some wine and that I do not own a gun. Because like I said... my motto right now is "Shoot me now".

Everyone knows the saying "what makes doesn't kill you makes you stronger" Well that my dears may just be bull .... well possibly not but when that is said to you at the time you feel like you want to take the gun you had to your head and put it to theirs and pull the trigger!

So really I just need to shut up and do it and keep treading water... eventually I may find the shallow end and be able to pull myself out... if not...





I wont need a gun!

I am sorry to those..

Who will not be recieving gifts this year... I do not expect anything (never have) from anyone I prefer to give them... but this year it is really tight so... only mom, dad, casie, Char, Elise, Rianna, Miranda, and Kristen F. are getting things.

Sorry again!

love you all